Will power: Lacking

Attire: Oversized Diaper

Theme: Sabre Dance

Lord Protector of England

Reign: 1653-1658

Government: Commonwealth

Investigative Reporter

Aliases: John Cocktosten, Mr. Poon, Arnold Babar

I'll have a steak sandwich...and a steak sandwich

Holds many strong opinions

Jobs Held: 1,348

Madison, WI

Weekly World News Star

Has his own hit musical

Surprisingly can't get a job for a baseball team

Deposed Despot

Hunger strike: 1 meal

Big-Screen Debut: South Park the Movie

Fiery Roman Emperor

Dynasty: Julio-Claudian

Mistake: Fiddling while Rome burned

The Dude Abides

Sometimes there's a man...

Recreation: Bowling, acid flashbacks

The Magical Car

Key abilities: Flight, floatation

Nemesis: Baron Bomburst, tyrant of Vulgaria

The Sun God

Deity status: Omnipotent

Later merged with: Amun

Enlightenment Philosopher

Didn't do anything of note till age 40

His ideas are Rousseau hot right now

Early '90s Yankees Catcher

Career span: 10 seasons

Middle name: Dodge

Greek Hero

Defeated Hector in the Battle of Troy

Guess where his one weakness is

That...weird guy from Conan O'Brien's show?

Not that...jackass who interrupts all the time?

He's the...absolute worst?

Honorable Young Gentleman

Valet: Jeeves

Location: In the Soup

Doing the Things a Particle Can

What's He Like: Not Important

Forms: Dot & Speck

Rocketman

First launch: March 16, 1926

Patents: 214

He is Keith Hernandez

Off-Color Comments: 1

Needs help moving.

Age of Empires Unit

Nationality: British

Cost: 35 wood, 40 gold

Ordered the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ

Founder of the Judean Peoples Front

Former member of the People's Front of Judea

Philistine Giant

Felled by David

Arguably the biggest Mancrush around

Nintendo Ice Hockey

Weaknesses: Speed, Agility, Erectile Disfunction

Strengths: Brute force, thick mustache

Former Assistant to Mayor Dinkins

Serenity now, insanity later

Why can't you be more like Lloyd Braun?

39th U.S. President

Known for the historic 1978 Camp David Accords.

The first American president born in a hospital.

Ancient Roman Consul and Dictator

Model of virtue and simplicity

Fasces in one hand, plow in the other

Egyptian Actor

Notable role: Dr. Zhivago

Sharif he don't like it

Average Joe

Handy with a soldering iron

Is not properly dressed for work

Merry Old Soul

Fiddlers: 3

Requested: Pipe,Bowl

Cancerous Character

Enjoys: One good spliff

Smoke 'em if you got 'em

Master of the Self-Evident

Quick to point out something you probably knew

Works for most corporations

Not-so-serious Minister of the Afterlife

Enjoys: Golf, Edward James Olmos

Maintain. Come on, Death. You can do this.

Inanimate apparatus of ease

Fleet-footed food ferryer

Possibly bipolar

Burgermeister of Sombertown

Dislikes toys and fun.

Kris Kringle nemesis

A Horse is a Horse

Of course, of course

He's a friggin talking horse!

"Hey, it's Enrico Pallazzo!"

Stat: Generic

Location: mancrush.com

Mancrush Historian

Professor of Manthropology

Top three: Bob Dole, Cicero, Muhammad Ali

36th U.S. President

Became President after Kennedy was assassinated

2 words: Viet Nam

Mancrush.com Special Correspondent

Resident expert of 80's and 90's pop culture

Secret shame: Didn't even finish "Oliver Twist"

Zulu Nation Leader

Major battle: Gqokli Hill

Preferred tactic: "Buffalo Horns"

"I was saying boo-urns"

Age: 31

Good Moleman to you.

Apathetic New York Farmer

Slept for 20 years

Hometown: Small village in the Catskills

Prince of Wallachia

Master of the cruel and unusual

The Original Dracula

King and Founder of the Persian Empire

Created the world's first human rights charter

Beard length: Moderate

8th U.S. President

Nickname: Old Kinderhook

Only President with English as his second language

Diminutive Scandinavian

Expert on: Golf, Auto Racing, Fishing, Baseball

Height: Roughly 4 ft.

Mythical Heckler

Mistake: Taunting Crucifixion-bound Jesus

Just deserts: Perpetual perambulation

'Cause he's my butler

Locale: Beaver Falls, PA

First name: Lynn

Reformation-Era Pope

Rode the Papal Bull against Martin Luther

A man of many schisms

Dr. Frankenstein's Monster

Enjoys: Wasting a minute of our time

In actuality: Was a caring, sensitive individual

Pithecanthropus Erectus

Discoverer: Eugene Dubois

Only consists of a femur, skull, and three teeth