39th Vice President of the United States

Sneakiest Four Syllables in Washington

High crime and(or) misdemeanor: Tax evasion

The USS Constitution

Oldest commissioned ship still in service

Born: Boston, MA - 22 July 1798

Talent: Single Handedly Flipping Pizzas With Spear

Wants To Talk to You About: $5.00 Hot-N-Ready Deal

Type of Birth: Little Cesarian Section

Carthaginian Commander

Culled a crucial conquest at Cannae

Couldn't conclusively cover Carthage, ultimately

Fictional Scientist

Has the refractive index of air

Invisibility now, Insanity later

Mancrush Historian

Professor of Manthropology

Top three: Bob Dole, Cicero, Muhammad Ali

Homo Erectus

Age: 250,000 - 400,000 years

Hometown: Beijing, China

West Virginian Cryptid

Friends: None

Idea of a good time: Creeping people out, yahtzee

The Good Doctor

Life Work: Summa Theologica... all in Latin!

Name back at the monastery: The Dumb Ox

A Horse is a Horse

Of course, of course

He's a friggin talking horse!

Fictional Sailor Man

Trademark tattoo: Anchor

Tonic: Spinach

The Dude Abides

Sometimes there's a man...

Recreation: Bowling, acid flashbacks

Uber Tuber

Shaves faster than any man

Gets a little spud for Mrs. Potato Head

Anthropomorphic Steam Engine

Resides: Island of Sodor

Seasons: 10

Former Kentucky Derby Champion

Born and raised in Philadelphia, PA

More likely to become an adhesive than race again

Aztec King

Vainly Awaited: Quetzalcoatl

Defeated by: Cortes

18th century English Pirate

Vessel: Queen Anne's Revenge

Booty accumulated: Much

Prospector with Pick Axe Prowess

Seeks: Silver

Also Seeks: Gold

Macedonian Conqueror

Reign: 336-326 BC

Ways swung: Both

Bernie Bernie

Ohhh yeah, how you can throw

We gotta go: Super Bowl

Mythical Ape-Man

Also known as: Sasquatch

Cousin: Yetti

42nd U.S. President

Lewd Acts: 17

New York, NY

Kool-Aid Mascot

Oh yeah!!!

Oh no...

Fiery Roman Emperor

Dynasty: Julio-Claudian

Mistake: Fiddling while Rome burned

Spanish Inquisitor

Idea of a good time: Coerced confessions

Dark secret: Jewish ancestry

3rd Roman Emperor

Nickname translation: Little Boots

Once appointed his horse to the Senate

"Hey, it's Enrico Pallazzo!"

Stat: Generic

Location: mancrush.com

It's a trap!

Race: Mon Calamari

Force: Rebel Alliance

Mythical Heckler

Mistake: Taunting Crucifixion-bound Jesus

Just deserts: Perpetual perambulation

Roman Poet and Philosopher

Wrote De Rerum Natura

Possibly the world's first atheist

The Sun God

Deity status: Omnipotent

Later merged with: Amun

King Tut

Dynasty: 18th

Reign: 1333 BC- 1324 BC

Champaign Music Television Host

Show highlight: Bubble machine

Instrument of choice: Accordion

Fictional Fibber

Desire: Real boyhood

Manhandler: Gepetto

Surrealist

Best known work: The Persistence of Memory

Birthplace: Figueres, Spain

Mancrush.com Special Correspondent

Resident expert of 80's and 90's pop culture

Secret shame: Didn't even finish "Oliver Twist"

13th Century Mongol Overlord

Modern-day descendents: 17 million

Grave whereabouts: Unknown

Fictional Great White Shark

Haunt: Amity Island

Achilles Heel: CO2 tanks, Paul Newman

Great White Whale

Nemesis: Captain Ahab

A metaphor for life, man

Alliterative Insulation Salesman

Foil: Inspector Clouseau

Do, do do, do do do do do do do do do dooooooooooo

The Personification of Time

Profound similarities to Grim Reaper

Last seen: Late night with Mother Nature

Father, founder and 1st president of modern Turkey

Westernized the nation

Always wore a wooly hat, regardless of season

God is dead.

Stat: Generic

Rocken, Prussia

1980's Phillies Star

Once traded for: Julio Franco

Middle name: Francis

Uncle Shelby

Location: Where the Sidewalk Ends

Best Song: A Boy Named Sue

Merry Old Soul

Fiddlers: 3

Requested: Pipe,Bowl

#1 Cosmonaut

First man in space

Truly went where no man had gone before

Disaffected Office Worker

Pitiably respectable, incurably forlorn!

Would prefer not to.

Prolific Fruit Planter

Likes: Hard Cider

Dislikes: Oranges

Holds many strong opinions

Jobs Held: 1,348

Madison, WI